You know you are getting old when you think of big sandwiches more than sex.

I am both old and love sandwiches: so, where does that put me on the scale of things? I know for a fact that Patrick Henry said, "Give me liberty or give me a sandwich." At least that was part of the family mythology of a wife I had who was a descendent of the revolutionary patriot.

My first experience making a sandwich occurred when I was still in diapers. Someone had stolen my pacifier and left me bereft, but as good fortune would have it, my baby-sitter had dropped two playing cards in my playpen, so out of desperation, I took the corner of my diaper and stuck it between two cards.

It didn't taste so hot, but as luck would have it, they were aces and one of them was aces up. Life wasn't so bad after all.

But getting back or forward to more digestible fare, I will regale you with the makings of a delicacy that will make you grateful to me.

If the moon is full and it is a lonely night, go into the fridge and get the hamburger you have been thinking about, some onion, a slice of American cheese and open a can of oven baked beans, such as B&M, plus a roll or some sturdy bread. Broil or pan fry your burger, sauté the onion, heat the beans and melt the cheese on the top piece of roll, by any method you choose or just pop it on top of the burger.

Put roll on plate, put beans on roll, put hamburger on beans, onion on burger, melted cheese on top with a pickle on the side. Stand back and admire.

Eat and smile. Use a fork and knife if needed.

Reprinted with permission from Talk of the Towne, Gaithersburg, Maryland, March 1999.