Once upon a time when the Irish God had turned green because of a Guinness Stout shortage, potatoes were green when ripe, blarney was the gospel truth, and other things were kissed besides the Blarney Stone, strange things happened. There was a man named Myrtle who had wondrous powers of changing sodas into beer and making fountains spout Bushmill Whiskey and the whole island was in a fog.

Myrtle was therefore a wondrous lad. However, the whole social structure of the Emerald Isle was falling apart because who in the world would spend time doing constructive things when Myrtle was around? So the good citizens went to Saint Patrick, known for having a fatal touch in regards to snakes, and asked him to visit Myrtle and tell him he was destroying the country.

St. Patrick faced Myrtle and smelling a snake-like smell, knew Myrtle was a snake sent by the evil one to ruin Ireland. St. Patrick chanted the chant that drove snakes mad and Myrtle dove into the hammering surf and dissolved into a stout beer. All the good Folk were so pleased they named March 17 as St. Patrick's Day. The saint said, "That's nice". Then everyone sat around and ate corn beef and cabbage.

BE DIFFERENT. Get a corned beef brisket. Put it in cold water, toss in a 1/4 cup of pickling spice, and bring to a boil. Turn down to a simmer. Cook about 1 1/2 hours. Stick a fork in it. If it pulls when removing the fork, cook a bit more.

When done, transfer corned beef to a foil-lined baking pan. Let it rest for 1/2 hour or so. Then using a little beer make a paste of brown sugar, Dijon mustard, and ground cloves (don't over do the cloves). Spread the paste on the corned beef. Put it in 400 degree, preheated oven, and cook about 15 -20 minutes. Remove it from the oven and let sit for a while. Serve with boiled potatoes (topped with sour cream) and Brussel sprouts.