Once upon a time there was a French chef who lived in a little cabin on top of Pierce Nob in West Virginia and he was a mighty confused and most sad little man.

Naturally anyone who was a cordon bleu, four star Michelin chef, proprietor of the most famous country inn in all of La Belle France, user of Brass fowl and drinker of Dom Perignon, vintage of the best year, had to be confused.

The poor soul had been caught in the act of drinking a RC Cola and eating a Moon Pie while hiding in the asparagus patch. The Sorcerer, who watches over the culinary genius of France, stumbled over unlucky Pierre during this sinful behavior. So, naturally the Sorcerer to protect France culinary purity cast a spell o the pathetic sinner and made him reappear at a Ramp Festival in West Virginia.

To the unknowing out there in the world, the Ramp is the Devil's curse on those who commit such sins as eating a Moon Pie and drinking non-vintage RC Cola. A Ramp is indigenous to West Virginia and is a blending of garlic and strong onion that is sautéed in bacon grease and served with biscuits or corn bread and washed down strong coffee.

The aroma at a Ramp Festival has been know to cause leaves to fall off trees and milk to sour three miles away. Those who eat it kill flies when walking home.

So, the poor chef has to cook at ten Ramp Festivals that are held every spring and after that the Sorcerer plopped him on the top of Pierce Nob until the aroma turned into Joy perfume.

No wonder the poor sinner looked confused. Naughty Sorcerer!

CHARLESTON RED RICE. (Serves eight to ten)

6 slices of bacon or leftover ham chunks. 1 6-oz. can tomato paste. 1 No. 2 can tomatoes. 2 & 1/2 cups of raw long grain rice. 1 medium-large onion, chopped. 6 or more stalks celery, diced. Pinch sage. Pinch thyme. 1 small green pepper, chopped fine. Salt, pepper to taste.

Fry the bacon or ham in heavy saucepan. Add tomato paste and all other ingredients and let cook until vegetables are tender. Then put into a steamer and cover and let steam until dry. Put in a double boiler, if you want, with the top on and let dry. Takes about 45 minutes to get good and dry. Serve hot. (This is a one-dish meal.)